Separation Anxiety

by Anne Kirby Chelius

One of the most difficult things while raising babies that causes worry, heartache and guilt is Separation Anxiety.

What is it? That is when- the minute you leave your cherished one - -they scream, wail and carry on!. This normally starts between six months and a year. It is guaranteed to be upsetting to everyone.

Understand that this is a natural and important growth point in your baby’s development. It means that they have begun to develop long term memory. They associate you with the person who cares for their needs and are upset when they sense you are leaving.

While it is a very difficult time – realize that there is nothing that you did wrong! This is a natural stage in their development and it is a step away from dependence and towards more independence. Very often a mom is returning to work when her baby is at this stage. There are certain things you can do o make it a bit less traumatic.

If you are planning on returning to work - -make certain that you go through “trial periods” before that time. Leave your baby with some responsible person for an hour or so. Let them get accustomed to the idea that YES! You will return.

Never sneak away. Instead – develop a good-bye routine. It might be a special tickle, a big hug and always let them know you will be back.

It also helps if the child has been introduced and has met the caregiver at an earlier time so that they are not being left with a total unknown person.

You need to be strong! After you have kissed him good-bye and assured him you will return – walk away from his cries. These are the hardest steps to take. However, delaying your departure by returning multiple times only makes it worse.

Often a favorite toy or stuffed animal can be reassuring to them.

It takes time for them to overcome this anxiety – but it does pass! Usually by a bit over a year they learn that you will return. But beware! It can re-occur! Very often when they are five or six and going to school you might go through it again!

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